Sunday, December 30, 2012


2012 is nearly over. It was 72% better than 2011. Not bad. My book reading was way down. Here's a list of the books I read in 2012. I post this because some people are interested in it. Books with asterisks are ones I particularly enjoyed. I've linked to books with double asterisks because they're ones I liked enough to help publish.

Books Read 2012

1. Gigantic Death Worm by Vince Kramer*
2. Trashland a Go-go by Constance Ann Fitzgerald
3. Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys by Jordan Krall
4. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
5. The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock*
6. We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver*
7. King of the Perverts by Steve Lowe**
8. Party Wolves in My Skull by Michael Allen Rose
9. South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami
10. Danse Macabre by C.V. Hunt
11.Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
12. Endlessly by C.V. Hunt
13. Legacy  by C.V. Hunt
14. Tight Little Stitches in a Dead Man’s Back by Joe R. Lansdale
15. Steel Valentine by Joe R. Lansdale
16. Death Metal Epic by Dean Swinford**
17. Mastodon Farm by Mike Kleine**
18. 11/22/63 by Stephen King
19. Damned by Chuck Palahniuk
20. Phantom by C.V. Hunt
21. Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo
22. Mystery by Peter Straub
23. Funland by Richard Laymon
24. Return to Devil Town by Wayne Hixon**
25. How to Kill Yourself by C.V. Hunt**
26. The Throat by Peter Straub
27. The Book of Drugs by Mike Doughty
28. Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
29. Currency of Souls by Kealan Patrick Burke
30. Winter’s Bone by Daniel Woodrell
31. Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk
32. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
33. Seed by Ania Ahlborn
34. Underworld by Don DeLillo
35. Oblivion by David Foster Wallace
36. This is Water by David Foster Wallace*
37. Alone by Brian Keene
38. Tentacle Death Trip by Jordan Krall*
39. The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury
40. Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky
41. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
42. The Haunted by Bentley Little
42. Red Dragon by Thomas Harris*
43. Red Harvest by Dashiel Hammett
44. Audition by Ryu Murakami
45. The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris
46. Stranglehold by Jack Ketchum
47. Hannibal by Thomas Harris
48. The Way We Eat by Pete Singer and Jim Mason
49. Penetralia by Jordan Krall
50. The Skating Rink by Roberto Bolano
51. Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris
52. The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
53. The Obese by Nick Antosca*
54. Walrus TalesWalrus Tales by Kevin L. Donihe (editor)
55. Samurai Vs. Robo-Dick by Steve Lowe**

I also listened to a lot of music in 2012. Here's a playlist of my:

Thanks again to everyone who bought one of my books. I was counting on the world ending this year so I don't really have many plans for 2013. We'll see what happens...

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Cheap Shit For Broke Motherfuckers

Starting 12/22, MY FAKE WAR, SLAG ATTACK, SUNRUINED, PRAY YOU DIE ALONE, FILL THE GRAND CANYON, SATANIC SUMMER, THE WARM GLOW OF HAPPY HOMES, ZEROSTRATA, THE OVERWHELMING URGE, THE BEARD, and THE NIGHT THE MOON MADE A SOUND will be 99 cents through the end of the month. Thanks again for making it a great year. If all of my books sold half as well as FUCKNESS...

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Halloween Reading

I will be doing a reading along with author Tim Waggoner on Halloween. It's at Wilmington College in the Mason Room of the Kettering Science Building. We'll be there from 7:30 pm until 10. It's free and open to the public but seating will be relatively limited. I won't be bringing many books but, as always, I'll stick around to sign whatever you want me to.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Happy October

Happy October! My sampler collection of stories, The Night the Moon Made a Sound, will be free for Kindle starting October 1 (Pacific Time) and running through October 5. Enjoy!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Kirk Cameron and Other Things But Mostly Kirk Cameron

Here's a photo of Kirk Cameron:

I'll be at Horrorfind next Friday and Saturday (August 31-Septermber 1). Kirk Cameron will not be there. I'm not on the reading schedule and and won't be signing at a table. I also won't be bringing any books to sell because I was too poor and lazy to order them. If you see me wandering around and want me to sign something (it doesn't have to be a book), feel free to ask. I probably won't have a pen or anything either. I will be taking part in a super secret reading on Saturday around 6. Thinking about reading from either Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever or Fifty Shades of Grey.

Here's a story I wrote a long time ago featuring the name "Kirk Cameron":


I wake up from a twelve day inhalant bender. My room has been redecorated, a giant poster of Kirk Cameron taped to the ceiling above the bed. I have to piss.

I pull the leaves of wilted lettuce off the toilet seat and discard them in the trashcan. I pull down my underwear, the sight astonishing me. My genitals have become a dry, lumpy mass, something only resembling a penis protruding from the mire. I reach down to seize it delicately between two fingers and it tumbles off into the toilet, a spray of urine shooting everywhere.

I decide I never should have rolled out of bed. Reaching under the sink, I grab a can of spray paint, anxious to huff my way back to sleep.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Satanic Summer and Other New Things

Satanic Summer is NOW AVAILABLE as a paperback and digital download (for 99 cents until the end of summer).

Also, The Warm Glow of Happy Homes is available as a digital only download. But wait! If you don't want to pay the exorbitant 99 cents, it will be free soon.

For the first time in many years, everything I've written and am (mostly) happy with is in print. It's kind of a weird, scary feeling. Not sure what to do next. Any suggestions?

Monday, May 28, 2012

FREE Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever

Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever is available for free for Kindle (and most other things) for a limited time.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

FREE Bury the Children in the Yard

For a limited time, my latest collection of short stories, Bury the Children in the Yard, is available as a free download for whatever device you prefer. You can click HERE to download it from Amazon.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever

Rejoice! Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever is NOW AVAILABLE!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part Six

The contest is finally over. This week, I only received a submission from one person. Luckily, Dustin Reade was so inspired that he submitted two. Of the first one he says, "I saw that you were having a contest cover thingy. I made you a cover thingy. My name is Dustin. View my cover thingy." Of the second one he says, "Okay. I did one more. Here it is. This one has a ginat baby thing eating a fetus on the edge of a cliff! Happy day!"

Remember, there is no voting for the cover although all opinions will be read. It's also important to note that the winner receives absolutely nothing for his/her effort. The winning cover will be revealed when the ebook is released by the end of April.

Thanks to everyone who contributed something!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part Five

Brace yourselves ...

Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever will be coming to an ebook vendor or torrent site sometime in April. Here's the description: Social networks can be used for a number of things such as finding out what friends and family members are up to, trying to get girls to take their clothes off on camera, raising awareness, and organizing protests, revolutions, and relief efforts. But what if one man decided to use a social network for one of the most idiotic causes in human history? Join the hopeless and brain damaged Andy Boring in his quest to FILL THE GRAND CANYON AND LIVE FOREVER!!!!

So what we lacked in quantity last week we're making up this week by a bloogmillionth percent. And remember, you have ONE MORE WEEK to send me your awesome. Here are the guidelines. Feel free to follow or completely disregard them. ONE design will be on the ebook cover. ALL designs submitted will be somewhere in the interior of the ebook FORMATTING ALLOWING. That means when the final ebook comes out and it's missing your design, it probably isn't because I hate you, but because I just couldn't figure out how to put it there. Onward...

First is Bradley Sands. I have no idea who this guy is but the talent evident in his cover stings my eyes with its brilliance. The file name was "iwin", the subject of the email was "Contest is over!" and Bradley says, "made with puppy power." I like the part where my quoted nickname(?) is the same as my last name. Talent.

Next is Matthew Revert, author of A Million Versions of Right and The Tumours Made Me Interesting. Revert says he sent this to me "Because William Pauley III really likes you."

Next is Kevin Shamel, author of Island of the Super People and Rotten Little Animals. This was Kevin's third attempt and his tenacity is greatly appreciated. When not writing or designing covers, he's attempting to patent the "double mohawk", a truly awe-inspiring theoretical hairstyle. Kevin says he "stayed up real late last night making it, and it whacked out his whole day..."

Then there was Michael Allen Rose, author of Party Wolves in My Skull. I read this book at the same time I was reading We Need to Talk About Kevin and came to the conclusion that Kevin wasn't a sociopath, he just had party wolves in his skull. Michael says, "Here is an excellent cover for your book. I know you'll use it, because it is excellent, and if we do not strive for excellence, then we fail as excellence-seekers. This is the best cover ever, because it is the best, and therefore, better than all other covers, even if they're better. It's exciting excitement will excite your readers and make them buy your books and rub them all over their bodies, which is always awesome."

Mike Kleine enters the arena with TWO covers, reminiscent of much more intelligent books. Mike says, "the dimensions are a little off and the title is not entirely accurate."

The amazing Sam Reeve sent TWO cover designs all the way from the Ukraine. Sam edits a great thing called Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. She says, "enjoy." I did.

Next the still lovely and still talented Carrie Hunt, author of Endlessly, has submitted her second piece. She says, "I felt compelled to try again, although I believe the vagina and shovel should win."

Lastly, Justin Grimbol with THREE. The first is called "fill it in." The second is called "fill that bitch up!" and the last one is called "johnny depp." I like what he did there.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part Four

A very slow week this week with only one submission. Only two more weeks left. You can read the guidelines HERE.

This one comes from Rick Moschgat who says, "Not as good as some of the others."

Monday, February 27, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part Three

After a week hiatus, the Awesome Cover Contest continues to muddle along. This update is relatively weak, but only in quantity. Remember, you have until mid-March to submit your awesomeness. If possible, all submissions will be included in the ebook version of Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever and one or more will be chosen as the ebook cover.

Up first this week is Gerd Heilemann. Gerd says, "this is what I did..." and I agree.

Next up is the wonderfully talented Justin Grimbol. As well as being the author of The Crud Masters, he also blogs at His Cock Is Money. Grimbol says, "I like to draw dicks."

Monday, February 13, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part Two

Here are some more cover submissions for the Fill the Grand Canyonn and Live Forever Awesome Cover Contest:

This first one is from Joan Defers. She says, "I saw the contest post so I wasted a lunch hour on a cover for you." It is is definitely appreciated. As a bonus, she adds, "The pic I used is from the National Archives, and it's free for commercial use. Not getting threatened with lawsuits rules." Clicking on her name will take you to her blog. It's pretty entertaining stuff.

The next submission is from someone named Andy Adams who says he spent "many tortured hours dragging this artwork up from his soul." This is as NSFW as my blog has possibly ever felt.

And then there was Chris Bowsman who was so enamored with his MSPaint skills that he decided to design both a front and a back cover. He says, "I spelled your name wrong on purpose. That made me laugh a lot."

The final entry this week comes from floor dweller Sam McCanna who says, "Just threw this together. I call it 'A Study in Pooping'." Seems apt. You can buy t-shirts from this creep at Skurvy Ink.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Reading in Chicago on March 1

I will be in Chicago on March 1 for a reading with Mykle Hansen, Michael Allen Rose, and Garrett Cook at the Knockbox Cafe. I will also be more than happy to sign any books you want to bring with you. I'll only have a few copies of Fuckness and The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians on me. I will also happily give away free hugs. They range from uncomfortable to completely inappropriate and, for a few lucky people, maybe a loving pat on the back.

Catch all the crazy Facebook details HERE.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Awesome Cover Contest Part One

The first few entries for the Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever Awesome Cover Contest are in!

The first is by the lovely and talented C.V. Hunt. She describes it as "Some cover art."

In a virtual creative frenzy, the young unlovely and allegedly talented Josh Myers came up with TWO potential covers. He describes them as "hastily thrown together" and "magnificently crap."

Our final entry for the day is from Nathan Fizilli who says, "I'm not much of an artist, but here is a Highland inspired cover that I made for some reason."

Thanks to everyone who's contributed so far!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever Awesome Cover Contest

Fill the Grand Canyon and Live Forever will probably be out digitally within the next few months. I'm looking for the most awesome or brain damaged cover to represent it. You are invited to submit your MS Paint drawings or something more spectacular to with GRAND CANYON!!! in the subject line. I will post everything I get on this blog. I will probably end up using the one I find most entertaining and paying the creator absolutely nothing. The advantage of digital is that the book could have a potential spectrum of covers so I might end up using more than one. It's not really necessary to read or know what the book is about, but if you're curious, you can read some of an early version HERE. It went on hiatus when my life fell apart and then I was too depressed and lazy to keep updating it.

The contest will end on March 19 and, hopefully, the book will be live by April 1.

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT STUFF!!! It has to be at least 500 X 800 pixels. Have no idea what that means? Neither do I. Please send .jpg files only!

I'm looking forward to being awash in brilliance!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Hi I'm a Social Disease Signed Copies

The paperback version (same as the digital version except it's made out of paper) of Hi I'm a Social Disease will be available soon. If you would like to order a copy from me, click on the link below. I'll take orders until January 31st. It's 10 dollars (shipping included, please add 5 dollars if you don't live in the US). I'll include a handwritten page ripped from the manuscript of Satanic Summer and probably a really stupid drawing in the book. BUT MAKE SURE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IT PERSONALIZED. Otherwise it will just be signed.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bury the Children in the Yard

Bury the Children in the Yard: Horror Stories

Ebook Coming April 2012
Paperback Coming Late 2012



Sunday, January 15, 2012

Pray You Die Alone

Pray You Die Alone: Horror Stories
Ebook Coming February 2012
Paperback Coming Late 2012


The Summer of Flies
Deathtripping in New Orleans
Air Cathedral
The Nowhere Room
Black Rosita's Man