Saturday, December 4, 2010

Godspeed, You Vicious Creeps

This will probably be my last post for 2010 and, if I die before 2011, my last post ever.

2010 was supposed to be a year of relative slack, where I focused on writing books more than anything else. But things happen and I found myself in the throes of one of my busiest years ever. I did a reading in March with D. Harlan Wilson, John Edward Lawson, and Michael Arnzen, attended Mo*Con in May, Context in August, and Horrorfind in September when I had originally not planned on attending any conventions. I also founded Grindhouse Press and assisted taskmaster Gregory Seymour with editing and reading submissions for Atlatl Press. These are all books I either published, helped edit, or had released this year:

The Beard by me (okay, this was late 2009)
Morning is Dead by me
House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli
They Had Goat Heads by D. Harlan Wilson
Vampires in Devil Town by Wayne Hixon
The Horribles by Nathaniel Lambert
My Fake War by me
Slag Attack by me
The Sorrow King by me
The Brothers Crunk by William Pauley III (coming soon!)

I've also spent the last couple of months helping to renovate a house and just moved last weekend.

With any luck, next year will be just as busy. I should have at least a book or two coming out and will definitely keep you posted as that information becomes available.

So I'm going to duck back into my hole and continue the work of 3,000 space cadets. I hope you all have a creative holiday season.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

2010 Top 40

Here are 40 songs I really like. Most of them are from 2010. They're not in any particular order.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Books Read 2010

Here's a list of the books I read in 2010, for creeps who are into that sort of thing:

1. How I Became a Famous Novelist by Steve Hely
2. Shoplifting from American Apparel by Tao Lin
3. The Bureau: The Secret History of the FBI by Ronald Kessler (audio)
4. Last Days by Brian Evenson
5. Depraved by Bryan Smith
6. Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson (audio)
7. Vacation by Deb Olin Unferth
8. Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo (audio)
9. Darkness on the Edge of Town by Brian Keene
10. Grifter’s Game by Lawrence Block
11. Fade to Blonde by Max Phillips
12. The Summer I Died by Ryan C. Thomas
13. The Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maarten Troost
14. Chilly Scenes of Winter by Ann Beattie
15. Dreams in Black and White by John R. Little
16. Loath Letters by Christy Stewart
17. The Mental Floss History of the World by Mental Floss
18. Nocturne by Steve Gerlach
19. Friday Night in Beast House/The Wilds by Richard Laymon
20. A Dark Matter by Peter Straub
21. Going Monstering by Edward Lee
22. Heretics by Greg F. Gifune
23. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
24. Grundish and Askew by Lance Carbuncle
25. Hide and Seek by Jack Ketchum
26. Doom Magnetic! by William Pauley III
27. Blaze of Glory by Weston Ochse
28. Teatro Grottesco by Thomas Ligotti
29. Hard Boiled Vampire Killers by Jim Gavin
30. Orgy of Souls by Wrath James White and Maurice Broaddus
31. The People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn (audio)
32. The Resurrectionist by Wrath James White
33. A Million Versions of Right by Matthew Revert
34. Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis
35. The Deputy by Victor Gischler
36. House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli
37. Minor Robberies by Deb Olin Unferth
38. My Heart Said No, but the Camera Crew Said Yes! by Bradley Sands
39. Horns by Joe Hill
40. Rabid Child by Pete Risley
41. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender
42. Feast by R. Scott McCoy
43. Imperial Bedrooms by Bret Easton Ellis
44. The Stranger by Ronald Damian Malfi
45. Joyride by Jack Ketchum
46. At the End of Church Street by Gregory L. Hall
47. King Scratch by Jordan Krall
48. Role Models by John Waters
49. They Had Goat Heads by D. Harlan Wilson
50. Vampires in Devil Town by Wayne Hixon
51. Catching Hell by Greg F. Gifune
52. Blockade Billy by Stephen King
53. The Complete Drive-in by Joe R. Lansdale
54. Codename Prague by D. Harlan Wilson
55. The Horribles by Nathaniel Lambert
56. A Gathering of Crows by Brian Keene
57. The Third House by Andy Deane
58. The Black Train by Edward Lee
59. Praise the Dead by Gina Ranalli
60. The Innswich Horror by Edward Lee
61. The Shadow Over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft
62. Kutter by Jeff Strand
63. The Brothers Crunk by William Pauley III
64. An Arsonist’s Guide to Writers’ Homes in New England by Brock Clarke
65. The Horns of Evangelina by Chuck Morgue
66. The Scheme for Full Employment by Magnus Mills
67. House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski (did not finish/still kind of reading)
68. Richard Yates by Tao Lin
69. Nightmare Seasons by Charles L. Grant
70. Dweller by Jeff Strand
71. Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis
72. Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
73. The Disappearance by Bentley Little
74. Tunneling to the Center of the Earth by Kevin Wilson
75. The 13th by John Everson
76. Museum of the Weird by Amelia Gray
77. The Cannibal’s Guide to Ethical Living by Mykle Hansen
78. Night of the Assholes by Kevin L. Donihe
79. The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis
80. Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Moving, NaNoWriMo Fail, and the Making of My Fake War

I moved. This house has fewer bear traps and a bigger smile.

I did NaNoWriMo for like 4 days and gave up. November was a terrible month to attempt this. Boring and Pointless: This Could Go On Forever (my NaNo novel) is going to continue, probably in some kind of onlne serial format. I will probably begin posting them in January. It'll be just like a weekly TV show only more boring and not as loud (I recommend listening to music really loud while reading it, to give it more of that TV feel). If it has more than two readers, it'll probably be an annual kind of thing.

I wrote the story behind the story of My Fake War and posted it on Amazon as a review. Only like 2 out of a hundred people found the review helpful. It looks like Amazon has removed the review. Because I think it highly informs the novel (If you haven't read it yet, you really should. Reading it will make you glow and give you the ability to shoot lightning bolts from your fingertips.) I'm reposting the review here. Also, while you're on Amazon, you should check out my zombie bromance, Morning is Dead. As of this second, it's real cheap (under 8 dollars).


I began writing My Fake War in 1978 at the suggestion of Kurt Vonnegut (RIP). We were in the library of Truman Capote’s New York apartment comparing tweed blazers. His had buttons. Mine had duct tape. Vonnegut kept making me smoke unfiltered Pall Malls and I tried to tell him that I had TB so he would stop. He didn’t. I told him he looked like he should be in porn and he told me I looked like a paper bag. I don’t remember much of what else happened that night but I awoke the next morning with the desire to write my magnum opus. Actually, it would be my first book. Or my fifth or something. Things were hazy then. I imagined it to be 1,503 pages long. I decided to take three years off for research and preparation. I divided those three years between Los Angeles, Tijuana, and Tibet. I decided to get busy writing and then realized my lease had expired and I no longer had a home. I called my agent and harangued her until she gave me the number of J.D. Salinger’s agent. I called J.D. Salinger’s agent and harangued him until he put me in touch with J.D. Salinger. I told the agent I was a very powerful man. I told him I was the King of Datsuns. J.D. (or “Jerry”, as I called him) allowed me to stay in the basement of his New Hampshire home provided I didn’t “talk too much.” I spent a week in Jerry’s basement, writing, drinking Miller High Life, and punching myself in the mouth every time I spoke out loud. At the end of the week I had finished five pages. By this time I was feeling burned out and fatigued. It was 1981. I decided to take the next twenty-eight years off. I explored the Great Ohio Desert. I was nearly consumed by an airborne toxic event. I was told this was not an exit. I moved to a modest house in posh Dayton, Ohio, and picked up where I had left off. I decided I was too lazy to write and decided to amass a sweatshop of unemployed elderly from around the neighborhood. They were non-threatening but cranky. I put them in my basement, gave them old typewriters and told them to get to work. Most of them had arthritis. A couple of them had no hands. I was a bad recruiter. Their work ethic was poor, their ingenuity non-existent. I told them I would do it myself. They made coffee for me while I worked for the next six months. The coffee they made was sub-par. I suspect it was instant. By the time I was finished I had my 1,503 pages. I submitted it to my editor and she suggested I “whittle it down.” She also pointed out the fact that there was no evident research and suggested I had come unhinged from reality. I laughed but was quickly consumed by a black wave of depression. I told my sweatshop to get to whittling. They were finished sometime later and I was able to submit it to my editor under the original title: A Treatise on Porn Enthusiasm. She made me change the title and a month later it was on the New York Times Bestseller List. Success, Mr. Prunty! Raging success!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Fuck Black Friday, This Shit Is Free

Stay home. Save money. Read a book.

Vampires in Devil Town by Wayne Hixon

Morning is Dead by me.

From now until ???!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Happy Halloween from Grindhouse Press

Check out the Grindhouse Press website for some deals on books to read this Halloween season.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

You'd Look Better With a Goat Head

So I've been wanting to post some sort of lengthy, well-written, and totally truthful report about Context, driving through New England (it was 1001 degrees), and Horrorfind. I'm not going to be able to do that for a while so watch this trailer by award-winning Albanian director Gordan K. Smith. He's been working on this thing for ten years. When you see the end result you might think it was all shot within the same half-hour period but, I assure you, it wasn't:

The main reason I'm not able to be online so much (and won't be for a while) is that we are moving. This is incredibly exciting but it means that most of my free time will be spent making the house we live in even more presentable to any potential norms that might want to buy it and making the house we'll be moving into less smelly. Until I return (and I know that you, whoever you are, will be holding your breath, unable to go about your daily routine) here are some things you should check out or just meditate upon:

D. Harlan Wilson's collection of insane, smart, hilarious flash fiction, They Had Goat Heads, is now available.

The Sorrow King is finally shipping! No, seriously, I had a friend email me and tell me she received it. The Horror Mall still has copies. This book is like a million dollars but it's really long and, maybe, "ambitious." It also comes with a free .pdf of another really long novel called The Storm.

I think I have sent out all the swag for my Slag Attack swag-a-thon (unless you live in Japan. If you live in Japan then it just went out today).

Keep being such fantastic, beautiful winners.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Context and Other Things

I will be attending Context next weekend (August something through something). I'm not listed on their website and they were "unable" to fit me in for a reading but I'll be there both Friday and Saturday and will mostly be in the dealers' room at the Atlatl/Grindhouse Press table, out front smoking, or at the bar across the parking lot. I'll be joined by fellow friends and authors D. Harlan Wilson and Gina Ranalli.

Speaking of D. Harlan Wilson... He will be there debuting his latest short story collection, They Had Goat Heads, which is being released through Atlatl Press. If you're unable to attend the convention and would still like a signed copy, you have until Wednesday, August 25 to order it through the Atlatl Press website. You can also listen to Wilson's interview for The Funky Werepig where he talks about They Had Goat Heads, the Scikungfi Trilogy, and who he could take in arm wrestling.

Grindhouse Press Book 002, Wayne Hixon's Vampires in Devil Town, is NOW AVAILABLE. Yes, it's a couple of weeks early.

After Context, my wife and I will be driving through New England and winding up at the Horrorfind Weekend convention in Gettysburg, PA, where I'll be doing a reading (probably part of "Corpse Mountain" from my latest Eraserhead Press book, Slag Attack) and signing books with authors Jordan Krall and Eric Mays.

Then I will be coming home and finishing Satanic Summer and laying out and copyediting the next Grindhouse Press book (The Horribles by Nathaniel Lambert) so this might be my last post for a while!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Horrorfind Weekend and Other Things

The reading schedule has been posted for Horrorfind Weekend. I'll be reading with D. Harlan Wilson, Jordan Krall, and Eric Mays. Thanks to bang-up writer Brian Keene for organizing this.

My fifth Eraserhead Press book, Slag Attack, is now available. If you order it today and send me an email at andersenprunty at yahoo dot com, I'll send you some free stuff.

Besides Slag Attack, Eraserhead released quite a few other books.

Pete Risley's first book is now available from New Pulp Press. It's called Rabid Child. I was lucky enough to score an advance copy of this and really liked it. I would like to have given it a longer review but time just wasn't on my side. Here's what I did have to say about it: Pete Risley’s Rabid Child is a brilliant character study of a man blighted to the core of his being, his depravity mirrored in the sad and rotting world around him. Think Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov if he were in a John Waters film and you would have something that comes very close to Risley’s Desmond Cray. Noir in scope, situations become increasingly dire and outrageous. If you want to find out exactly how dire and outrageous things can get, I highly recommend this book.

You still have time to pre-order a signed copy of D. Harlan Wilson's forthcoming book, They Had Goat Heads.

The price of many of my Kindle titles has been reduced to anywhere between .99 and 2.99.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Slag Attack Soundtrack

Slag Attack should be available soon. It's a quartet of apocalyptic stories. More later. Until then, here's some more music:

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Last Calls and First Calls

Quick summary of things:

My Fake War is now available.

Last call for The Sorrow King. It's headed to the printer soon. You can order a limited or a lettered edition.

Gina Ranalli's latest book, House of Fallen Trees, is now available as a trade paperback.

Atlatl Press is now taking pre-orders for D. Harlan Wilson's They Had Goat Heads, an excellent collection of weird, surreal, and hilarious short stories. You can also enter the Goodreads giveaway.

Cameron Pierce's latest book, a collection of stories called Lost in Cat Brain Land, is now available.

Jordan Krall's latest book, King Scratch, is now available.

I have updated things on my "Appearances" page.

Big Jesus aka Touchdown Jesus has been stricken down by the electric hand of God.

My digital-only collection, The Night the Moon Made a Sound, is available as a pay-what-you-want digital download on Smashwords and for 99 cents on Amazon. It contains the stories "The Night the Moon Made a Sound," "The Photographer," "The Man with the Face Like a Bruise," and "The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island."

If you hate the Kindle and want Morning is Dead in an EPUB version, it is also available as a download on Smashwords.

My story, "The Library of Trespass," will be in the upcoming edition of Necrotic Tissue. You should go to their website and subscribe so you don't miss it.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My Fake War is Now Available

And you can order it from Amazon!

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Fake War Fake Soundtrack

The release for My Fake War is imminent! Until then, you can read an excerpt here and enjoy this music chosen specifically for the book:


Saturday, May 15, 2010

Coming Soon!

The absurd tale of an unlikely soldier forced to fight a war that, quite possibly, does not exist.

Saul Dressing is a flabby middle-aged librarian who just wants to be left alone to listen to jazz, watch porn, and cultivate his toenails. All of this changes when a soldier in a camouflage sweat suit shows up to draft him into the army of the United States of Everything. His mission is simple: go to a foreign country no one has ever heard of and incite the opposition to strike first. All alone in the middle of a desert with no enemy in sight, Saul must come to terms with the absurdity of his situation. Thus begins a surreal journey into the politics of war, consumerism, and giant robots.

It's Rambo meets Waiting for Godot in this subversive satire of American values and the scope of the human imagination.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Dream People Issue 33

A few years ago I sent a story called "The Gravedigger" to a guy named D. Harlan Wilson for an online journal called The Dream People. It was one of my favorite online publications. The story was accepted and Wilson offered to pay me the price of a martini at a local bar. I didn't really drink martinis so I told him he could pay me with two paperclips and a Band-Aid. A week later I received an envelope with a letter congratulating me on my acceptance, along with two paperclips and a Band-Aid. I still have them somewhere.

Anyway, that's just a long way of saying how cool it is that Issue #33 seems to be completely centered around me.

So if you feel you need more of me in your life (I wouldn't recommend it) check out the latest issue and you'll find a number of flash fictions, reviews of my books, microcriticism of my author photo, a graphic version of my story, "Napper," by the spry and talented Brandon Duncan, and novel excerpts, including part of my upcoming Eraserhead Press book, My Fake War. However, if you read this in it's entirety you might end up finding some version of me napping on your couch.

Thanks again for D. Harlan Wilson and his unflappable assistant editor, Stanley Ashenbach, for putting this together.


I'll be attending Mo*Con in Indianapolis from April 30-May 2. Some of the other book-related types who'll be there are D. Harlan Wilson, Brian Keene, Alex McVey, Maurice Broaddus, Wrath James White, Gary Braunbeck, Lucy Snyder, Kim Paffenroth, Jason Sizemore, Alethea Kontis, Chesya Burke, Stephen C. Gilberts, Gregory Hall, and many others. Join us if you can!

And coming soon!
An all-Prunty issue of The Dream People
Cover art for my upcoming Eraserhead Press book, My Fake War
A new logo that is not a uniLorn vomiting the words, "Lowered Expectations"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Morning is Dead, Officially


While Morning is Dead has been available on Amazon for a few weeks, this is its official release date. So if you haven't picked up a copy, think about ordering one now. It has rampant swearing, violent sex that will not make you feel aroused or even good about yourself or fellow man, drug fiend police officers, and CATS! Lots and lots of cute, fucking, cuddly little cats! Sound like your cup of tea? Come on, take a swig.


Friday, April 2, 2010

Choate Road

I'm April's "Spotlight Scribe" at Choate Road. Thanks to Greg Hall for picking me out of many other writers equally as worthy. My story, "Where I Go to Die", is currently posted there. Stop by and check it out!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Reading Manko Reading Your Face

I did a reading this past Friday at the Night and Day Cafe with Patrick Wensink. Thanks to Patrick for setting it up and for the Night and Day for allowing us to peddle our wares, set off fireworks indoors, and sacrifice a live animal (you HAD to be there!) I thought we were going to be upstaged by the traveling donkey show continually circling the block. Also, thanks to the people who either a.) didn't have anything better to do or b.) showed up because they wanted to: Josiah and Stacy, Chris, Dan, Ry-guy and Pam, Melanie, and 50,000 other people whose names I didn't get. Sorry you had to stand in the parking lot. Next time I'll bring my PA system and Jumbotron. And thanks to my wife for filming the evening and giggling a lot. Here's a clip of the evening (complemented nicely by the periodic burring of coffee grinders which, let's not kid outselves, is kind of like my dream soundtrack):

The story I read is called "Reading Manko." I think this is the only place you can find it.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Reading in Dayton

If you're in the Dayton area around 7 PM on Friday, swing by the Night and Day Cafe so Patrick Wensink and I can tell you some stories.

In the meantime, here's a video of D. Harlan Wilson reading his story, "The Storyteller," at the Backlist Books signing:

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

There's a Fish in the Percolator

Here are a couple of clips from the reading in Massillon at Backlist Books. This footage was taken by William Pauley III. Thanks, William! Like the rest of us, William is a starving small press writer. Help support him and pick up one of his books.

Last week, The Beard decided to escape the late winter Ohio weather and escaped to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, where he ended up in the hands of this guy:

Monday, March 8, 2010

A Dinosaur with Man Arms

The weekend began Friday when Mike Gibbs came over. I made him watch Henry Fool and told him it was possibly the best movie about writing I've seen. Even after 13 years, it's amazing how relevant it remains. Then we challenged neighbors, listened to sirens, and tried to set the yard on fire using psychic power.

Got up in the morning and drove to Celina to meet the inimitable D. Harlan Wilson. Wilson is eight feet tall and made of steel. We took a 3 hour, anger-fueled trip across the wasteland of central Ohio, throwing litter out the windows and running other cars off the highway with our Road Warrior-inspired university vehicle until we reached Massillon to do our reading at Backlist Books.

It was tough getting into the bookstore, squeezing in around 5000 screaming fans, rabid for readings of fiction. It's no wonder why fiction is the most popular form of entertainment in America-- trumping sports, television, video games, the internet, drinking, douchebaggery, and social networking.

Lucy Snyder began the afternoon with a reading. Why was the reading in the afternoon? So the hepped-up litmaniacs could spend the rest of the evening digesting the spectacle they were about to witness. Gary Braunbeck followed. Some books were signed. Fights broke out. Security was deployed. Ne'er-do-wells were eliminated. Then it was my turn to read. I suppressed my gorge and read some stupid stories. At one point, my hands were shaking so badly I had to put my papers down on the table before me. They weren't shaking because of nerves. They were shaking because of the excited stomping and dancing of the 8000 fans. I was followed by D. Harlan Wilson. He rose from the floor, read his stories, got some laughs, and disappeared into the floor again, barely escaping a peglegged groupie who rushed him, claws bared. John Edward Lawson followed. He read some poems and nearly injured himself with a swift blow to the crotch. Mike Arnzen concluded the evening and read some incredibly funny poems/thoughts/song parodies. By this time the crowd had swelled to over 10,000. It was like Woodstock or something. The fire marshals had to come and break it up, thus ending the fun.

Everyone had a great time. Many books were sold. Many thanks to the great folks at Backlist Books for hosting a great get-together and John and Jennifer from Raw Dog Screaming Press for helping to organize the whole thing and inviting me along. If you're in the Massillon area and would like to support small businesses run by intelligent people who are not ghoulish monsters, you should stop in and pick something up from Backlist. They have a bizarro section featuring books usually only found online. They have all of my Eraserhead Press titles as well as my two latest, The Beard and Morning is Dead.

Now here are some updates:

I have signed a contract with Dark Regions Press to do an as-yet-untitled story collection to appear later this year or early next year. Table of contents and details will follow.

I will be doing a reading with Patrick Wensink, author of Sex Dungeon for Sale!, March 19th at 7 PM at the Night and Day Cafe in Dayton, Ohio (where I live).

Atlatl Press has announced its second release.

Grindhouse Press has announced book 001.

The next issue of the great online journal, The Dream People, will be an all-Prunty issue.

Stay tuned or, really, just try to stay awake...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Updates, Sandwiches, and The Pains of Living with Genetic Brain Damage

I will be signing some books and probably reading some stupid stories at Backlist Books in Massillon, Ohio, along with D. Harlan Wilson, Michael Arnzen, and John Edward Lawson this Saturday (March 6) at 3PM. If you're in the area, come join us.

Morning is Dead is now available.

Author Cameron Pierce wants to write something somewhere because his house is filled with cobras.

The Sorrow King is coming. The publisher, Cargo Cult Press, had a change of ownership and its publication has been delayed. Delayed but not canceled. I have no idea when it will actually be published but it's still available to order. Yes, it's expensive. I know it's expensive. The publisher knows it's expensive. Everyone in the world knows it's expensive.

My brother has determined we have genetic brain damage. We are both doing our best to cope with this recent development. Send wishes to or Paypal donations to those addresses are appreciated also. It's hard for brain damaged people to make money in this current economy and anything helps.

I will probably be doing a reading at a coffee house in Dayton with Patrick Wensink, author of Sex Dungeon for Sale! Details to follow.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Valentine from Eraserhead Press (Free Books!)

Hop over to Bizarro Central for a chance to download 3 books (Piecemeal June, The Haunted Vagina, and Zerostrata) and the first two issues of The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction (Issue One contains my porno horror story, "The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island"). All for the low low price of free!

And, for your listening pleasure, I've put together this playlist of sappy love songs.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Sweater Smells Like Taco Bell

Here are some recent blurbs for The Beard:

"Okay at best." -Anonymous

"Loved it. If Holden Caulfield rented a timeshare in Vegas, only to find out he double booked with Hunter Thompson, and then they both sat down over a buffet of mind-altering drugs and wrote a book, I THINK it might be something like THE BEARD.

BEHOLD THE POWER OF FACIAL HAIR." -Nathaniel Lambert, co-author of Sideshow PI: The Devil's Garden (I highly recommend this, by the way)

"This book would make an excellent introduction to the world of Bizarro fiction." -Chris B., Goodreads

"...this quirkiness can be irritating, and if it was much longer I’d undoubtedly be infuriated by how ‘whacky’ it all is." -F.R.J., Goodreads

"It's like eating a creativity sandwich." -Daniel Clausen, author of The Lexical Funk

"I read this book backwards." -Jasmine, Goodreads

"Sure to please any fan of weird fiction." -Grant Wamack

"I can't help feeling cheated by its shallowness." -Tortla, Goodreads

"I loved this book. I loved its feel, its pace, and its imagery." -Lucas Thorn, Lateral Obsessions

"I have no time to waste on books that seem a chore to get through. Absolutely not recommended." -K.G., Amazon Reviewer

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Neighbors

"Rev that motherfucking dirt bike, Johnny! Woo!"

More fun:

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Overwhelming Urge Turns Two

The Overwhelming Urge was the first book I had accepted (and actually make it to publication) by a publisher (Eraserhead Press) who wasn't me. February 3 marks its 2 year anniversary. Here's a story from the collection:


A very lonely man orders an imitation vagina from a catalogue. He sits down on the couch and waits for it. A couple hours later, he hears a sound from the porch. Opening his front door, he sees someone has left a large box for him--it’s roughly as large as he is. He drags the box inside and hastily tears it open. Instead of his fake vagina, he finds a woman curled up in the box, sleeping. At first he thinks maybe it’s just some kind of lifelike sex doll but he can see it breathing. Bending down, he shakes her shoulder.

“Uh, Miss?” he says.

Startled, she rolls over and looks at him. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she says.

She is dressed enticingly in a very short skirt and clinging t-shirt.

“Well, I guess you know why I’m here,” she says.

“Actually, I’m a little confused. I think maybe they screwed up my order.”

He checks the box for an invoice but doesn’t see one. His address isn’t even on the box. Curious, he thinks.

“I guess you can spend your time thinking about it or we can go upstairs and you can put me to use.”

“I would definitely like that,” the man says. He can’t believe his good fortune. He wonders if the girl is planning on staying, if she really is his.

They go upstairs and, after a few moments, the man gasps in frustrated confusion. He kneels between the girl’s legs, staring down at the complete absence of sex. Like a doll, she is entirely hairless and smooth. He looks up at the girl to meet her embarrassed stare.

“I’m so sorry,” she says. “It was there a few days ago, I promise.”

“Unlikely,” the man says.

“There are other things I can do,” she says.

“It’s not the same,” the man dresses and retreats downstairs, pouting.

The girl comes downstairs moments later, fully dressed. “I guess I should go, huh?”

The man, angry, wants to tell her to get out but, after thinking about it, realizes he is very lonely and, indeed, there are other things the girl can do. Things that would have to be better than using an imitation vagina. “Why don’t you stick around?” he says.

So the girl sticks around for a few days and they perform every sexual act imaginable save the most obvious one. The man is happy and exhausted but, alas, he has to go back to work.

Coming home from from work one day, he discovers the mailman delivering the mail. One of the parcels he crams in the mailbox is the vagina. It is without an envelope and looks slightly used. The mailman, unable to meet the man’s gaze, looks at the ground and quickly walks to the next house. The man takes the vagina into the house and gives it a thorough washing. Then he puts it in a box and wraps it. That night, with the girl waiting in bed, waiting for their marathon non-vaginal sex to begin, the man presents her with his present.

“For me?” she asks.

“Of course,” the man says, eager to see her look of surprise when she opens the box.

Once opened, a look of horror crosses the girl’s face.

“I guess you want me to put this on,” she says.

“Then you’ll be complete.”

The girl crosses to the bathroom and comes out with the vagina attached. It is slightly ill-fitting but the man doesn’t really mind.

After that night’s sex, the man rolls off the girl and lights a cigarette. “Fantastic,” he says.

The girl pretends to fall asleep.

The next morning the man wakes up and discovers that he is alone with the vagina. He looks all around the house but he can’t find the girl. He even calls the catalogue company and asks about her but they treat him like he’s nuts. He looks at the vagina and finds it sad and lonely. He places it on the front porch hoping the girl will return to claim it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Morning is Dead Cover

Here's the cover for Morning is Dead, designed and illustrated by Brandon Duncan of

It's scheduled to be released in April. You can pre-order a signed copy from me:

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Morning is Dead Sountrack

This is an imaginary soundtrack to my forthcoming book, Morning is Dead.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Eraserhead Press 2010 Release Schedule

The Eraserhead Press 2010 release schedule is now up at Bizarro Central. It looks like My Fake War and Slag Attack will coming out later this year. Huzzah!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Beard Photo Shoot

Somebody was finally able to get The Beard into a bathroom. Luckily, they took some pictures before giving it the shave down. Thanks to the lovely bearded lady at Scodioli.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Unusual Suspects

Here's a web flyer for the reading in March.

Spread it around if you know anyone in the eastern Ohio/western PA area. I'm really enjoying Wilson's Bobby "The Brain" Heenan pose.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Appearances 2010

For now, here is a list of places I'll be appearing in 2010, besides my house and workplace:

March 6, 3PM
Backlist Books
39 Lincoln Way E.
Massillon, Ohio 44646
Reading and book signing along with: D. Harlan Wilson, John Edward Lawson, and Michael Arnzen

August 27-29
Context 23
Columbus, Ohio

October 28-31
World Fantasy Convention
Columbus, Ohio

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Review of L.V. Rautenbaumgrabner's As I Was Cutting and Other Nastinesses

As I Was Cutting and Other Nastinesses by L.V. Rautenbaumgrabner
New Pulp Press, 2010

L.V. Rautenbaumgrabner’s (that can’t be a real name) book made me happy to read small press books because I don’t know that one would find something like this in the mainstream. This is a gem of a short story collection. It contains a number of noirish tales of extreme violence and crimes gone bad, but it also contains a number of stories more reminiscent of Charles Bukowski than Jim Thompson. The characters in As I Was Cutting and Other Nastinesses are beaten down and hellbent on tearing their way through the bottom by any means necessary. In the story “Little Timmy’s Last Heist,” a couple poison their child with bad fish to help pull off a drugstore heist. In “Hammerin’ Hiram,” two exploitation film enthusiasts meet, have a week or so of intense sex, and then decide the only thing left to do together is murder someone. In the title story, a man kills his dog to save his marriage and, realizing he might be too late, resorts to an equally extreme measure.

There is a also a healthy dose of absurdity to the stories in this collection. “An Anvil Chorus Followed by An Equine Aria,” features a man assaulted by falling anvils. In “A Mind Excessively Deferential to Received Ideas,” a mysterious character named Uncle Juan invites his family into the bathroom to observe his latest bowel movement. In “The Ice Cream Truck Plays That Tune No More,” an ice cream truck driver begins pimping out his girlfriend using the ice cream truck as a kind of mobile advertisement to troll for johns.

Not all of the stories work, but most story collections subject themselves to this kind of subjectivity. For me, it was one story that was basically a screenplay (“Wheel Me Over to the Next Rabbit”), and a couple others that were very short character monologues.

What makes this a really strong collection is its eclecticism and Rautenbaumgrabner’s excellent sense of language. He breathes life into the sometimes worn out genre of sleaze. This book will not make you feel any better about life. In fact, it’ll probably make you look at your neighbors a little more closely. But it’s entertaining from beginning to end. These stories are never boring and some of them are genuinely shocking.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Books Read in 2009

I've been keeping a list of the books I read for about the past 3 years now. There were way too many good books to boil it down to a top 10 list. I've put an asterisk next to ones I particularly enjoyed. Number 111 is also, curiously, missing. I probably blacked out for a week or something.

1. Salmonella Man on Planet Porno by Yasutaka Tsutsui*
2. Population Zero by Wrath James White*
3. Apeshit by Carlton Mellick III*
4. Hero by Wrath James White and J.F. Gonzalez*
5. Eyeheart Everything by Mykle Hansen*
6. Hunting Zoe by Steve Gerlach
7. Different Seasons by Trever Palmer
8. Gun Work by David J. Schow*
9. Severance Package by Duane Swiercynski
10. The Dog of the Marriage by Amy Hempel
11. The Last Call of Mourning by Charles L. Grant
12. Jake’s Wake by John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow*
13. Transmetropolitan Volume 1 by Warren Ellis*
14. The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano
15. Midnight Blues- Brian Knight
16. Passenger- Ronald Damien Malfi*
17.Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- Tao Lin
18. Saying Uncle- Greg F. Gifune
19. Bed by Tao Lin
20. Bloodstone by Nate Kenyon
21. The Dead Fish Museum by Charles D’Ambrosio
22. Castaways by Brian Keene
23. Summer of Night by Dan Simmons*
24. A Winter Haunting by Dan Simmons
25. Transmetropolitan Vol. 2 by Warren Ellis*
26. Jenna Sighed by Michael McBride
27. Children of Chaos by Greg F. Gifune*
28. Post Office by Charles Bukowski*
29. Discarded Blessings by James A. Moore
30. Judas Goat by Greg F. Gifune
31. Gun Monkeys by Victor Gischler
32. New Dark Voices 2 by Brian Keene (ed.)
33. Injustice by Steve Gerlach
34. The Egg Man by Carlton Mellick III
35. Remains by Michael McBride
36. Shackled by Ray Garton
37. Clown Girl by Monica Drake
38. Amber Rising by Steve Gerlach
39. Rant by Chuck Palahniuk (audio)*
40. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe (audio)
41. 2666 by Robert Bolano*
42. The Damned by William Ollie
43. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson (audio)
44. Love Lies Dying by Steve Gerlach
45. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (audio)*
46. Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll (audio)
47. Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (audio)
48. The Turn of the Screw by Henry James (audio)
49. The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers (audio)
50. Sky Tongues by Gina Ranalli
51. Unhappy Endings by Brian Keene
52. The Golem by Edward Lee
53. The Faggiest Vampire by Carlton Mellick III*
54. Shatnerquake by Jeff Burk
55. Bust by Ken Bruen and Jason Starr
56. Watchmen by Alan Moore
57. The Max by Ken Bruen and Jason Starr
58. The Restraint of Beasts by Magnus Mills*
59. Kockroach by Tyler Knox
60. Washer Mouth by Kevin L. Donihe*
61. Benjamin’s Parasite by Jeff Strand*
62. All Heads Turn as the Hunt Goes By by John Farris
63. Cover by Jack Ketchum
64. Miranda by John R. Little
65. Redemption Roadshow by Weston Ochse
66. The Ark Sakura by Kobo Abe
67. Pressure by Jeff Strand*
68. Reservoir Gods by Brian Knight
69. My Work is Not Yet Done by Thomas Ligotti*
70. Don of the Dead by Nick Cato*
71. Up in Honey’s Room by Elmore Leonard (audio)
72. The Brooklyn Follies by Paul Auster (audio)*
73. Moby Dick by Herman Melville (audio)
74. Blood in Electric Blue by Greg Gifune
75. The Shore by Robert Dunbar
76. A Laymon Kind of Night by Mark Allan Gunnells
77. Swarm of Flying Eyeballs by Gina Ranalli
78. Savage Night by Jim Thompson
79. The Reach by Nate Kenyon
80. The Bone Factory by Nate Kenyon
81. Sacrifice by John Everson
82. Vendetta by James A. Moore
83. The Possibility of an Island by Michel Houllebecq
84. The Girl on the Refrigerator by Etger Keret
85. Urban Gothic by Brian Keene
86. Far Dark Fields by Gary Braunbeck
87. Lake Mountain by Steve Gerlach
88. The Nocturne by Steve Gerlach
89. The Quick Red Fox by John D. MacDonald
90. Dark Hearts by Brain Keene and Cassandra Keene
91. Quake by Richard Laymon
92. Ghost Soldiers by James Tate*
93. Trolley No. 1852 by Edward Lee*
94. Half-Sick of Shadows by Graham Masterton*
95. The Severed Nose by Jeff Strand*
96. A Deadly Shade of Gold by John D. MacDonald
97. Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon (audio)
98. Peckinpah by D. Harlan Wilson*
99. Light Boxes by Shane Jones*
100. Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens #7 Edited by Bradley Sands
101. Vampires a Go-Go by Victor Gischler
102 Conversations with My Hair by Russell Bradbury Carlin(audio)
103. Sideshow P.I.: The Devil’s Garden by Nathaniel Lambert and Kevin Sweeney*
104. Enchanted Night by Steven Millhauser*
105. Flesh by Richard Laymon
106. Infected by Scott Sigler (audio)
107. Scarecrow Gods by Weston Ochse*
108. House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli*
109. Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis (audio)*
110. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (audio)
112. After the Quake by Haruki Murakami (audio)*
113. Carmilla by Sherida LeFanu (audio)
114. His Father’s Son by Bentley Little*
115. Mama Fish by Rio Youers*
116. The Death of Bunny Munro by Nick Cave*
117. The Girl in the Woods by David Jack Bell
118. Boons/The Camp by David Ohle*
119. Kingdom of Shadows by Greg F. Gifune
120. Fistful of Feet by Jordan Krall*
121. Lexical Funk by Daniel Clausen
122. The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty (audio)*
123. A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel (audio)
124. Last Night in Twisted River by John Irving*
125. Against the Day by Thomas Pynchon (audio) -Still haven't finished listening to this yet.
126. Under the Dome by Stephen King*
127. The Cyesologniac by Edward Lee
128. Black Butterflies by Kurt Newton
129. Eee Eeee Eee by Tao Lin*
130. As I Was Cutting by L.V. Rautenbaumgrabner*
131. Broken Skin by Nate Southard
132. Stories in the Worst Way- Gary Lutz
133. AM/PM by Amelia Gray*
134. Devil’s Marionette by Maurice Broaddus

Friday, January 1, 2010

Why I Write

So I've taken the past month or so off from writing. It's not anything resembling writer's block. I've never had a shortage of ideas and realize it's just a matter of sitting down and doing it. A couple of years ago I was just trying to find a publisher. That happened (I found a few) and it made me extremely happy. Then it was up to me to find readers. I tried pretty much everything I could imagine. Maybe I'm just not that imaginative when it comes to reaching potential readers. That's one of the difficult things about writing. It's a solitary endeavor. I'm a fairly solitary person and it took a lot of time and energy to try and sell my books to people. My first book appeared in February of 2008, nearly 2 years ago. Looking at sales of my books over those two years is one of the most depressing things I do. It could be a lot worse and I'm extremely grateful for every book sold, but it doesn't justify the amount of time and money I've put into it. Yet, starting a new year, I'm looking forward to sitting down and writing again. I'm not doing it for sales. Sales mean a lot to publishers. It actually means a lot to me too. I would love it if my books sold extremely well. But that can't be the reason I write. I've never worked with a large corporate publisher where sales are the "bottom line." I think I'm grateful for that. I've also never written something and thought, "Oh boy, this is going to sell really well." I write books I would want to read. That's my only criterion. If I wouldn't want to read it, it gets scrapped.

When I think about why I write I can't really find an answer that makes sense and I'm okay with that. The world is a vast and nebulous place and, often times, answers only make things less interesting and less dynamic. Focusing on sales and "networking" makes writing a lot like work. If I didn't already have a job that took up 40-plus hours a week and a wife and children I enjoy spending time with, I would have no problem with this aspect of it. While writing is one of the most important things to me, it's the last thing I do. Meaning, if my obsession with the business end of writing bleeds over into all the other things I do, something is out of balance. If, one day, writing turns out to pay better than my day job then I can justify spending more time on it. I have to work a day job to put food on the table and pay bills. I write for myself. It makes me happy. That's the best reason I can think of. Sometimes it makes other people happy, too. I received this email a couple of days after Christmas and, even though it's brief, it put a lot of things into perspective:

"I've recently been introduced to the Bizarro book genre and my roommate gave me The Beard as my Christmas present. It was pretty much the best present ever and you are now one of my favorite authors. I wish I had the genius to think of writing about a beard before you. I particularly enjoy your style of writing because you manage to balance the strange and random with a comprehensible plot that moves along well. I will probably be reading all of your other books. Thank you for brightening my otherwise depressing Christmas with a good book.

Elise S."

A few days before that, I received a highly entertaining review from writer Jim Gavin. You can read it on his blog.

So while I write for myself, knowing that it reaches other readers and, for whatever reason, means enough to them to take time out from their day to write something about it is an even bigger bonus. It makes it less solitary. It adds depth and reality and meaning to all those quiet nights spent scribbling in a notebook.

This blog has become a dismal place. When I look over the entries from the past year or so, it reeks of desperation and salesmanship. The time I've spent befriending people on Goodreads and Facebook, et. al. is probably embarrassing. I can justify it by thinking it's just a relatively new author excited about being published and, really, if I don't tell you about my book, who will? Because it's not like the small press has any PR fleets or anything. But I have to prioritize things. I don't have the time to try and sell you shit and you're tired of having shit sold to you. So other than the occasional book announcement (hopefully), there won't be any of that this year. Maybe some free fiction and half-witted musings on things but, other than that, I'm going to go back to 1. living my life and 2. writing. In the end, those are the only things I really know how to do.

Happy New Year and thanks for sticking around.