A man makes a wife out of stained sheets and old pillows. Being made from the things of sleep, she immediately dozes off. The man walks over to the window of their second-story bedroom. It’s snowing outside. Has apparently been snowing for quite some time. The snow nearly reaches the window. The man looks back at his wife. He tries to wake her up but can’t. He’s lonely. He wants to play in the snow. He opens the window and throws himself out, plunging deep into the snow and freezing to death.
The wife wakes up to the frigid air rushing in through the window. She slams it shut and goes back to sleep.
The next morning the dead man strolls into the house. His wife is enjoying a breakfast of sawdust and gasoline.
“You’re all dead,” she says, not at all alarmed.
“Yep,” the man says.
“Best get you into the freezer.”
“Yep.”
The man enters the spacious freezer willingly. The wife tosses a case of beer and a television in there with him. He stays there for three years.
The woman eventually marries a bed. He likes to sleep as much as she does although, when awake, he is a little lazier than she prefers.
The frozen man leaves the freezer and accuses the woman.
“How could you?” he says.
“You was dead.”
The man bounces on the bed. The bed groans but he doesn’t fight back.
“I’m leavin!” the man shouts.
“It’s the middle of summer. You’ll melt.”
“Like hell!”
The man bangs the door shut behind him and walks out into the neighborhood street. He’s headed for the local bar, thinking maybe he can meet another woman who will put him up. It isn’t long before he begins sweating profusely. The sweat doesn’t stop. Embarrassed, he ducks into an alleyway where he slides down a wall and quietly sweats himself into nonexistence.
The Overwhelming Urge
This is the cover to my book of short stories called The Overwhelming Urge. It will be released in February by Eraserhead Press. You can read a few stories from it HERE. The cover was designed by a very talented artist named Brandon Duncan. You can see what else he has done by clicking HERE.
Lost
Lon spends three weeks growing a thick, dark mustache.
One day, he invites his girlfriend, Tina, over.
It isn’t long before he is performing cunnilingus on her. She laughs and tells him she likes the way the mustache feels. Within a few minutes, she reaches a shivering climax. Afterwards, Tina giggles and leaves. It isn’t until the next morning, when Lon goes into the bathroom to shave, he notices his mustache missing.
“That bitch,” he says between clinched teeth.
He tries to grow another mustache but it isn’t the same; the symmetry is all wrong, the thickness subpar. It has an odor.
Lon tries to call Tina but she won’t pick up the phone. He can’t leave a message. What would he say?
Many months later, Lon rents a porno, it being a long time since his last sexual encounter. Midway through the porno, after Lon has masturbated three times, he notices Tina. She is calling herself Glenda Bummings now. He doesn’t want to watch, he’s so angry with her, but her image sparks memories of being with her and Lon is, once again, aroused.
Soon, the male actor in the porno enters Tina. Lon remembers the days when that was him. The man slides his penis out and Lon is flabbergasted. He scrambles to kneel in front of the TV. Attached to the man’s penis is Lon’s mustache.
“That bitch,” Lon thinks.
Captivated, he watches as his mustache rumples up against her vagina and then disappears inside once more. There are times when Lon thinks he can see it peeking out, nearly taunting him, whispering softly, “Remember when I used to be on your lip?”
One day, he invites his girlfriend, Tina, over.
It isn’t long before he is performing cunnilingus on her. She laughs and tells him she likes the way the mustache feels. Within a few minutes, she reaches a shivering climax. Afterwards, Tina giggles and leaves. It isn’t until the next morning, when Lon goes into the bathroom to shave, he notices his mustache missing.
“That bitch,” he says between clinched teeth.
He tries to grow another mustache but it isn’t the same; the symmetry is all wrong, the thickness subpar. It has an odor.
Lon tries to call Tina but she won’t pick up the phone. He can’t leave a message. What would he say?
Many months later, Lon rents a porno, it being a long time since his last sexual encounter. Midway through the porno, after Lon has masturbated three times, he notices Tina. She is calling herself Glenda Bummings now. He doesn’t want to watch, he’s so angry with her, but her image sparks memories of being with her and Lon is, once again, aroused.
Soon, the male actor in the porno enters Tina. Lon remembers the days when that was him. The man slides his penis out and Lon is flabbergasted. He scrambles to kneel in front of the TV. Attached to the man’s penis is Lon’s mustache.
“That bitch,” Lon thinks.
Captivated, he watches as his mustache rumples up against her vagina and then disappears inside once more. There are times when Lon thinks he can see it peeking out, nearly taunting him, whispering softly, “Remember when I used to be on your lip?”
Bust Down the Door #7
Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens, a journal of surreal and absurd fiction, is now available. It includes stories by Rhys Hughes, D. Harlan Wilson, John Edward Lawson, Sean Kilpatrick, Mike Young, Corey Mesler, me, Cameron Pierce, Amelia Gray, Caleb Ross, Forrest Armstrong, Stefani Nellen, Erik Williams, Jason M. Heim, and Matt Doyle. Cover art by Jase Daniels. Contains book reviews of John Edward Lawson's Discouraging At Best and Jeremy C. Shipp's Vacation.
READ THE FREE PDF BY CLICKING HERE!
READ THE FREE PDF BY CLICKING HERE!
2008 Updates
2008 will, hopefully, be a busy year on the writing front. Here is a list of things to come:
"Laughers" will appear in issue seven of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. While this is normally a beautiful print magazine, this edition will actually be available for free on the web so's everyone can check it out and see just how great it is.
"The Devastated Insides of Hollow City" will appear in The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue Edition). This is the second book in an ongoing series. It is an extremely affordable way for readers to learn about the growing bizarro genre. It's predecessor, the Orange edition, is still available.
"Sunruined" will appear in a future issue of Black Ink Horror.
"Where I Go to Die" will appear as a graphic story illustrated by Brandon Duncan in 10 Nails On A Screaming Chalkboard. This will be published by Raw Dog Screaming Press and should appear in late 2008. I've seen some of the early illustrations for this and it's going to be great.
A number of my short short stories will appear in The Twisted Twins Daily Chills Calendar, edited by D.W. Green. It's a great concept. Think about all those daily inspiration calendars that you would never read and rest assured that there is finally something for the rest of us. Containing 365 bitter, scary, sick, and just plain weird stories and illustrations.
A collection of stories called The Overwhelming Urge is scheduled for release by Eraserhead Press. You can read selections from it HERE.
I will also be attending the World Horror Convention in Salt Lake City in March and, possibly, signing some books in Dayton area bookstores.
If you're one to dwell on the past, you can still pick up a copy of Space and Time containing my horror story, "Holler." It also contains a story from horror legend Jack Ketchum. You can also listen to me read some extremely short stories on corporatedemon.com's eighth podcast.
Later!
"Laughers" will appear in issue seven of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. While this is normally a beautiful print magazine, this edition will actually be available for free on the web so's everyone can check it out and see just how great it is.
"The Devastated Insides of Hollow City" will appear in The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue Edition). This is the second book in an ongoing series. It is an extremely affordable way for readers to learn about the growing bizarro genre. It's predecessor, the Orange edition, is still available.
"Sunruined" will appear in a future issue of Black Ink Horror.
"Where I Go to Die" will appear as a graphic story illustrated by Brandon Duncan in 10 Nails On A Screaming Chalkboard. This will be published by Raw Dog Screaming Press and should appear in late 2008. I've seen some of the early illustrations for this and it's going to be great.
A number of my short short stories will appear in The Twisted Twins Daily Chills Calendar, edited by D.W. Green. It's a great concept. Think about all those daily inspiration calendars that you would never read and rest assured that there is finally something for the rest of us. Containing 365 bitter, scary, sick, and just plain weird stories and illustrations.
A collection of stories called The Overwhelming Urge is scheduled for release by Eraserhead Press. You can read selections from it HERE.
I will also be attending the World Horror Convention in Salt Lake City in March and, possibly, signing some books in Dayton area bookstores.
If you're one to dwell on the past, you can still pick up a copy of Space and Time containing my horror story, "Holler." It also contains a story from horror legend Jack Ketchum. You can also listen to me read some extremely short stories on corporatedemon.com's eighth podcast.
Later!
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